he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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