i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
