fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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