i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
