You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
