just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
