out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
