remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.