I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."