I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday