dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me