To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.