whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch