I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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