that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
