so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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