Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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