we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
