just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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