return my video game
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
