This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
