just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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