And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
