O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
