I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
