Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize