You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
