i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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