My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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