her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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