she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
