You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
