we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
