Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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