I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
