my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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