This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
