glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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