Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
