Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
