$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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