I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
