My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
