Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
