apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
