like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize