I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
