Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
