so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We left the knife in your bed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
