last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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