The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
