Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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