i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
