would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
