hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
