Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
