Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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