so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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