Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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