It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.