Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize