I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?