where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend