the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall