I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
