Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
