i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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