Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
