soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize