Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize