$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
