i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
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I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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