I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize